I didn't realize how hard it would be to pack up all the tiny unused little dresses, sleepers, shoes, socks and diapers. I didn't realize that I would long so much for a child I never knew, who was never mine, and never will be. I didn't realize I would wonder, how do I go through this experience again and how do I trust them?
I'm trying so hard to pretend it never happened and move on. It was only one month right? A few weeks of hope, joy and anticipation. Surely I should just be able to let it go and move on to the next adoption/infertility experience. My mind is saying move on, but my heart is struggling to catch up. I guess that's where the beauty of the gospel and the atonement comes in. I know with time I will heal and I'll be a better person. I've been blessed with peace and in time the pain and sorrow will go away too.
So where do I go from here? Today I decided to focus on being grateful for what I do have. I have two beautiful foster sons, who I love and adore and who make me laugh every day. I have the most wonderful husband in the world, who steps in when it's just to hard to keep going, and who's always ready with a loving hug. I have the most supportive family and friends anyone could ever ask for. I truly am blessed.
We played with play-dough tonight, and in an attempt to feel normal again, I'm posting pictures of the fun.